What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 04:38
We all went to grammer schools
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why do women wear less clothes compared to men?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i lived it daily.
What was your most memorable experience catching a fraudulent car seller?
We were not on the streets..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How is bestiality wrong, but killing animals for sport or trophies is considered okay?
My life is so biszare .
I have no regrets .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
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So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I waited trembling.
Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was 9 years of age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Comes on , in middle age.
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did i forgive my father ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She married twice! .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Put me off passion for life!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was very sick at this time too.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I think the readers, may guess!
I don,t even have a pension.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i do to all so called friends.?
This is soul school!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It was going to be , some day.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Ive learnt so much.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But it wasn’t much.
She was in good health!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She wouldn,t have been !
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My family never makes their pension either.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So whats the point in blame.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
All the time i was locked up.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Would this be the day?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I said to her
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I will be 64.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I write beautiful poetry .
I never cut or harmed myself..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She loved him until the end.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im still living with it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot live in the past .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.